Feel it…. It’s gone…

It’s over. The world cup really is over. Rumor had it playing Wavin Flag over and over again would bring it back. It’s been 3 weeks and sad to say, it really is over, never to return again and also I might be getting a little tired of hearing how Knaan will be called freedom just like a waving flag. How do I feel you ask? How do I feel? I feel like I got dumped by the World Cup. I mean how will I be able to justify going up to every South African person I see and scream “Welcome to South Africa! Can you feel it?!” (What? I got tired of people saying that to me, so my strategy, say it to them and BAM they have no clue what to do.) The World Cup…. She dumped me and ran off to Brazil. Not cool! Just don’t get over a loving and caring relationship like that easily! Seriously. Move over March Madness because the World Cup is so much hotter than you! I know sacrilegious if not downright insulting. But think about it. The World Cup is so powerful it can cause work stoppages like South Africans protesting during strike season probably because they want more pap during their lunch breaks, people were straight up glued to their televisions! This is a tournament that make world leaders think about putting further economic sanctions on North Korea because their 7 goal debacle caused one of the African favorites, Ivory Coast, to get bounced from the tournament. In 2006 when the Ivory Coast qualified for their first ever World Cup people within the warring factions that were part of the nation’s civil war literally put down their guns and called a cease fire. Didier Drogba fires in a 25 yard shot and what do people do? Stop killing each other! This actually stopped a civil war! An Israeli person and a Turkish dude hugged each when Andres Iniesta scored the goal that won Spain the World cup. And the Lebanese guy wants in on the hugs to? Why? Because they are Barcelona fans. I mean this is a tournament that actually makes Americans care about soccer! I mean good lord come on people that $H%& is crazy! What could seriously achieve all these things? Looking back on it all it really was awesome.

And there were some amazing moments during our amazing, yet short lived relationship. How amazing were some things? Let’s put some stuff into terms everyone can understand.

World Cup Superlative Awards!

The Lady Gaga award for person that scares me the most in this entire world.

Franck Ribery. Now this guy straight up looks like Dr. Evil. Just google the guy. And take a look at that scar! When he was 2 years old he was involved in a car accident and was thrown through the windshield. Survived that as a 2 year old! And he refuses to get plastic surgery so he can remember the incident. Now most of the time this would be badass and somewhat inspirational, except for 2 things. Franck is French, and I’m convinced he wants to kill people. I have no basis for the latter statement but just like Lady Gaga the dude just scares me. Runner up to this was Carlos Tevez. Argentine forward who has a similar scar when he was a young boy. And after the 4-0 thumping Argentina took against the Germans. Carlos I’m sure was going to kill someone as well.

The Lindsay Lohan award for going off the deep end.

Just like the Italian National team. The former 2006 World Cup Champions were riding high. And with a crop of talented players in the mold of Mario Ballotelli, Antonio Cassano, Fabrizio Miccoli, Italy would boast one of the most dangerous attacking front lines in the world. And what do they do? NOT CALL UP ANY OF THEM! Lindsay Lohan, you b!t(hed out all the mean girls in town showing everyone who was boss, all the teeny boppers love you and what do you do? Peace Out in a blaze of pure insanity that landed you in jail? Come on! Not too unlike our Italian national team counterparts, because let’s face it they sucked. How are you not going to progress in a group with the likes of New Zealand, Paraguay, and Slovakia? Seriously man. Seriously.

The Andres Escobar award for probably will be killed at some point soon (Andres Escobar a Columbian defender scored an own goal against the USA in 1994 ultimately resulting in Columbia’s elimination in the group stage. He was killed 10 days later as punishment for his actions by a gambling crime syndicate.)

I want to state clearly that I do not wish ill of anyone. This is a tragic story and something that really taints the game and taints sport and left a family to mourn for something that should not have been. And I hope that this won’t come to this since soccer fans are crazy some times as you can see. That being said…. LUIS SUARREEEZZZZ!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! OMG!!! Everyone stop screaming at Thierry Henry because this handball by Suarez was so egregious that I seriously wanted to invade the country of Uruguay. Seriously recall all the troops from Iraq send them to the Suarez residence in Uruguay and just start peeing all over his house. Yeah what would he be able to do about that? Nothing! How does it feel to steal it from the entire continent of Africa Luis? Yeah you can argue, he was given a red card, and maybe Asamoah Gyan should have scored the penalty but you know what that’s like saying on the game winning shot of the NCAA tournament a 7’1” center decides to snag a ball that’s clearly going into the hoop and making the shooter take the free throws. Goal tending. Applicable to soccer too. Runner up for this award. The North Korean Goal keeper. After allowing 7 goals against Portugal I don’t really want to know what Kim Jong Il is going to do to him and his family. Best to not think about it.

The Shakira and Freshly Ground Waka Waka award for super sleek sexy style of play (Have you seen the music

video for Waka Waka? I mean that is the most clothes I’ve ever seen Shakira wear. And you know what? She still looked good!)

The Germans. Never mind the fact that they have a lot of trouble pronouncing the word “Drakensburg”. Never mind that they only came in third place. Never mind the fact that German newspapers in the post Blitzkrieg/Third Reich era proclaimed to the teams playing against Germany was “We will blow you all away”. They played some really nice football. Like really nice. I mean it seemed like every goal the Germans scored was a fluid overload that started with a sprint from deep in midfield. Oh wait that’s because it was. Bastian Schweinsteiger grabbing the ball in midfield and releasing it to Mesut Oezil and Thomas Meuller? Seriously first class entertainment.

The Jessica Simpson award for dumbest responses ever

Several fans were posed a simple question on a South African radio station (Why do you love the World Cup?) and here are some of the responses. Because of all the hot guys. Because there is a winner and a loser. Because there are two 45 minute halves being played. Because soccer balls go in goals. Because it looks cool.

The George W. Bush award for if you are always confident you can never be wrong

Sepp Blatter. I dislike the English national team as much as anyone but bro, that was a goal. No denying it. Even the Germans admitted, yeah it was a goal. Frank Lampard’s strike hit the crossbar and went over the line and it was waived off as not crossing the line. If they just had video replay, they can just reverse the call. But FIFA president Sepp Blatter will not allow that to happen. A similar incident happened during the Argentina v Mexico game (which I saw live, was crazy) in which Carlos Tevez was about 6 meters offside but his goal still stood. Video replay could solve this easily, but instead of putting in video replay Sepp Blatter outlawed replays of goals on the jumbotrons during games so the teams would not be able to see the video evidence! If that doesn’t scream George W. Republican style take over then I don’t know what does.

The Bill Clinton award for It’s not cheating if I’m on my feet

Luis Fabiano. The Brazilian forward’s goal against the Cote d’Ivoire had not just one hand ball involved, but TWO hand balls involved. And the goal stood. No card. No nothing. Minus the blatant cheating, it was a pretty nice goal.

The Sarah Palin award for being able to see Russia from her house and Russia being on the other side of the international dateline, meaning it’s tomorrow there, which ultimately means she can see into the future.

THE OCTOPUS! Picked the winner of the World Cup every time he’s picked. Enough said.

The guy that gets drafted during the NFL Draft award for crying even when he’s a grown ass man

Landon Donovan. For scoring a goal in the 91^st minute against Algeria you proved that soccer has arrived in America. I’m pretty sure this thought may have donned on him after the game was over. It takes a lot to bring a grown ass man to tears. Want to know what it’s like to see a grown man cry? To see a grown man cry not because he’s sad, not because he is full of grief, not because something terrible has happened or anything like that. But to cry like many young African American athletes that get drafted to the NFL or NBA and the only thing they can think of is all the obstacles that they had to overcome to get to that moment, all the hard things they had to endure, growing up in the ghetto knowing that perhaps sports was the only way out and support the family, being the man of the house, having family members killed in neighborhood gang violence, no one having faith in them, to think about all those things right when that guy gets drafted and when the tears start streaming down his face, the only thing he can say when the mic is put to his mouth is “I made it.” You definitely did it Landon Donovan, you made soccer a relevant sport in the eyes of millions of Americans. You made it. The macho man in every man would say Landon was being a little b!t(h, but deep down inside seeing a grown man cry when he overcomes adversity to grab glory out of thin air, well you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t get a little emotional after that.

The R.Kelly and Soweto Spiritual Singers award for “That’s a sign of a victory”

“I could already see from afar that the tournament had been wonderfully organized and that the atmosphere was incredible. Now I’m here I have to say that South Africa should be really proud of themselves. I told President Jacob Zuma that they’re doing a great job and that they’ve gained the respect of the whole world. It’s been a huge victory for the people of South Africa. When we look back on the tournament in the future, we’ll remember Africa in a different light.”

-Angela Merkel, German Chancellor

South Africa, by hosting a successful and amazing tournament and providing millions of people with memories for a lifetime, you made it, you did it. You proved to the whole world that you were indeed more than worthy of hosting this and changed the negative views that people had of Africa. You welcomed millions of people to your shores and brought everyone together under a single common bond. You shut those bastards from the English press up that swore the world would end because you were hosting a world cup with your perseverance. I’m proud to have taken part in all of this. So thank you! And hamba kahle! (go well)

Guess it’s time to get back to reality (which yes I have been doing plenty of actual work throughout this time, so shut your holes and I’ll explain in the next blog!) Peace out world cup. See you in Brazil.